School Struggles

Have you ever had writer’s block?  Or been confused and anxious about converting measurements when cooking?  Or been so totally lost in a new city that you didn’t know which way to turn?  That feeling of helplessness is frustrating to adults – imagine what it does to a child. 


My oldest son struggles with these feelings daily at school.  He is extremely bright – is eligible for the gifted program – but he has a learning disability that is so pervasive that he is now so far behind in school that he needs assistance from me with completing every assignment. 
 
He learns well when he is given linear, step-by-step verbal instructions in math.  Unfortunately, his school shows a few examples on the board and then expects the kids to work through word problems that apply what they have just been shown – often in a group.  Math is taught in a “figure it out” sort of way, which seems to work well for many kids, but sets my son up for frustration and failure.

Writing is torture for him.  If I read the material and then ask him questions about it, he very clearly can state his opinions and knowledge on the subject, but you put him in front of a piece of paper or a computer and nothing comes out but anger and tears.

Knowing the material is never a problem – except for math – because what he hears he remembers.  He needs a lecture format, and then an oral test.  He would shine with those accommodations, as well as with direct math instruction.  

He has an IEP, but it doesn’t state clearly enough what he needs.  Nor do I think that the school can change its entire methodology to teach one student.  He could get help from special education outside of class, or during work time, but it’s not enough. 


So what we end up doing is that I read everything he is assigned, and I assist him with structuring every paper, every summary, every project.  He tells me what he knows and we get it down on paper…and then we structure it, and then we write it.  Do you see how many times I said we in that sentence?  I’ve become his teacher, his coach, and am frankly doing way too much work.  I also am using the Saxon math home school program to attempt to teach him the math that he has missed.  I think he is at least three years behind.

Another aspect of his problems is his lack of organizational skills.  He has learned to compensate for it – sort of – by carrying all his materials in a backpack to every class.  Otherwise he would never make it to class with the correct books and folders.  He uses a planner, but needs assistance looking at assignment sheets from his teachers and getting the due dates written onto the right days.  Every night we go over his work and write in his planner a few things that he needs to accomplish the next day, such as asking for clarification on an assignment, turning in the work we did the night before, getting a new math worksheet, etc.  

He struggles socially.  He is a sweet, gentle boy, and kids like him.  But he can’t seem to engage sufficiently with most kids in order to develop true friendships.  He has a hard time knowing how to have a back and forth conversation, or how to start one with someone he wants to talk to.  That being said, he does have a few friends that have reached out to him and accept his quirkiness and include him as often as possible.  He does better with girls than with boys.  He is so sensitive, and has little understanding of the difference between someone teasing and joking with him and someone being mean.  Because in the 7^th grade kids are trying to figure out who they are, and are somewhat volatile and not always kind and gentle with each other (is that even possible??), my son feels like he’s being left out and picked on.

In school, he can’t remember where anything in his classroom is.  He wanders around looking for the folders where you turn in work, can’t remember where to put his science materials back when he’s done with it and gets confused when trying to remember the steps of how to do an experiment.

Now he’s gotten to a point that he begs every night not to go to school.  He says that he is humiliated when he doesn’t get his science lab done, or can’t write a summary that he can’t bring home…and doesn’t like to ask for help because the teachers show him something quickly and he still doesn’t get it.

So what do you do with a kid who tests to be exceptionally bright but can’t “do school” by himself?  We’re having him tested next week by a psychologist who specializes in learning disabilities.  After interviewing me for about half an hour, he asked if anyone had ever mentioned that he might have a non-verbal learning disability (NVLD).  I’d never heard of it – we’d had an Asperger’s diagnosis when he was younger, but as it didn’t seem to fit as he got older, we dropped it.  His IEP is written for someone who has high-functioning autism, but he doesn’t really fit that profile either.

I bought a couple of books about NVLD on my Kindle, and after reading most of the first one feel that we might – finally – be on the right track.  It’s a pervasive disability that affects organization, writing, math, social skills and often spatial relations.  It fits better than anything I’ve seen so far.  

Getting a diagnosis is just the beginning though…what do you DO with it after you get a label?  Especially in a school that just isn’t set up to teach in the way that your child needs?  We will meet with them to see what they can do, but I’m not hopeful.

Which grieves me deeply, because I love, love, love this school – a charter school.  I love the teachers – ratio is 15:1, the kids, the method of education and the environment.  It is a protective space that has very, very few problems with behavior.  It’s the only charter Montessori school in the US that goes from pre-k to high school.  The junior high – which my son attends – runs a farm.

Public school is scary to me because of the fact that we live in a district with a lot of problems.  The schools are rough, the academic achievement scores are low, the teacher to student ratios are high.  The schools are huge, and the kids are numbers in a system that lets them fall through the cracks.  He wouldn’t last a week.

There are a couple of private schools that are for kids with learning disabilities, and that may be where we are headed.  They are expensive - $18,000 - $24,000 a year.  Also, they are both about 45 minutes away, so with taking my littles to school, I would be driving over 3 hours a day.  Of course I’m willing to do it if that’s what will help him the most.  

I hate watching him on feel like he’s about to fall over the edge into failure every single day.  I hate that he feels dumb and incompetent, and that he is on the verge of quitting.  And I hate how lonely he is at school, and how he feels so self-conscious all the time.

There has to be a solution to this – and I’m going to find it.